Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
