dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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