dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
