Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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