What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
