When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
