Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
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