I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize