Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
