dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
