yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
