I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
