chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
