Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
