Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
