Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
A+ Viking dick
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
