I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
