I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
