You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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