Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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