dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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