This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
