So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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