3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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