If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
