i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
