Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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