you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
