broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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