oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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