she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
