don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
