I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
