you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize