I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize