I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
