why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
