I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
