I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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