i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
