I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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