Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
