you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
