and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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