i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize