I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
