ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
