I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You're like the curious george of whores
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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