I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
