I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
