i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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