i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
