Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
