you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
