You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
