no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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