i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
