There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
