Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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