3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
