Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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