she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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