im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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