But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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